Every other page that answers this question hands you a list of who traditionally buys what and stops there. A list is not a plan. Below is the same question answered in dollars: the traditional split, the modern three-way split, couple-funded, and the awkward one where the two offers are different sizes — each priced against a real 120-guest budget, each with a running total for every person at the table.
Identical budget in all four: 120 guests, national pricing, standard service, $43,725 all in. The only thing that changes is whose name is against each line — and the spread between the biggest and the smallest share is over $30,000.
120 guests · National · standard service The two of you $43,725 Either family $0 Unfunded balance $0 Per guest $364 One budget, one decision-maker, nothing to negotiate.
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
120 guests · National · standard service One family $30,200 venue, catering, flowers, stationery, photography The other family $3,325 music, transport The two of you $10,200 rings, attire, beauty, favors, buffer Total $43,725 · 69% of it on one side
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
120 guests · National · standard service One family $14,025 venue, flowers, favors The other $15,275 catering, music, transport The two of you $14,425 photo, attire, stationery, rings, beauty, buffer Total $43,725 · the three shares land within $1,250 of each other
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
120 guests · National · standard service One family takes the venue $9,600 The other takes catering $11,950 You cover everything else $22,175 Total $43,725 · unfunded balance $0 Named line items, not percentages. Nobody has to audit anybody.
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
The calculator below opens in contributor mode with three funders prefilled and a dropdown on every category row. Change who is on each line and the per-person totals and the unfunded balance rebuild instantly.
The Emily Post Institute publishes the division etiquette books describe, and says plainly that it is variable rather than binding. What nobody publishes is what each of those lists is actually worth. Below, both versions priced against the same $43,725 budget: the division exactly as the institute publishes it, then the modernised one this calculator ships as its "traditional" preset, which moves music and transport across so the second family has a real share instead of a symbolic one.
As the Emily Post Institute publishes it — bride's family Venue & rentals $9,600 Catering & bar $11,950 reception expenses Music & entertainment $2,375 also a reception expense Flowers & decor $3,075 Stationery & postage $1,675 Photography & video $3,900 Transport for the party $950 Groom's wedding ring $900 half the $1,800 bands line Subtotal $34,425 · 79% of a $43,725 wedding
Source: The traditional division of wedding expenses, published as convention rather than obligation — The Emily Post Institute, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette (6th edition), 2014
As the Emily Post Institute publishes it — groom's family Bride's rings $900 half the $1,800 bands line; the groom's ring sits on the bride's family's list above Marriage licence $60 Subtotal inside this budget $960 Plus the rehearsal dinner, the officiant's fee and the honeymoon, none of which are in the $43,725 at all. That is why the published list looks small here and does not feel small in practice.
Source: The traditional division of wedding expenses, published as convention rather than obligation — The Emily Post Institute, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette (6th edition), 2014
The calculator's traditional preset, and what it moves One family $30,200 venue, catering, flowers, stationery, photography The other family $3,325 music, transport The two of you $10,200 rings, attire, beauty, favors, buffer Total $43,725 Music and transport move across, and the rings move to the couple — the three changes that turn a $960 share into a $3,325 one.
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
Three line items get searched by name more often than the whole split does, and all three are small enough that the etiquette matters more than the money. Here is what each is worth inside a 120-guest budget, and what the convention says.
Who pays for the wedding bands Rings line, 120-guest budget $1,800 bands only — the engagement ring pre-dates the budget Convention: each side buys the other person's ring the bride's rings, traditionally the groom's family the groom's ring, traditionally the bride's family Split down the middle $900 each
Source: The traditional division of wedding expenses, published as convention rather than obligation — The Emily Post Institute, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette (6th edition), 2014
Who pays for the wedding dress Attire & alterations $2,900 both outfits, standard service the gown, traditionally the bride's family his own attire, traditionally the groom's Alterations alone $480, and nobody remembers to fund them
Source: The traditional division of wedding expenses, published as convention rather than obligation — The Emily Post Institute, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette (6th edition), 2014
Who pays for the rehearsal dinner Reception catering, per head $100 the $11,950 line ÷ 120 30 people at half that reads $1,500 30 people at the caterer's $87 variable rate $2,600 Traditionally the groom's family — and it is NOT inside the $43,725.
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
Almost no real wedding splits evenly. One side can give more, one side wants to give in a particular way, and one contribution is a sentence at dinner rather than money in an account. These four scenarios are where the arithmetic earns its keep.
120 guests · one family offers $20,000, the other $5,000 Their $20,000 covers venue $9,600 + catering $10,400 Their $5,000 covers flowers $3,075 + music $1,925 You cover the rest $18,725 Total $43,725 · unfunded balance $0
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
The same $25,000, promised two different ways As a percentage "we'll cover 57%" → $24,923 today the list grows to 150 and the budget to $49,300 and 57% quietly becomes $28,101 As named lines venue + catering → $21,550, and it is finished
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
"We'll cover the catering" — a per-head promise 120 guests catering & bar $11,950 150 guests catering & bar $14,550 +$2,600 200 guests catering & bar $18,900 +$6,950 Every name added to the list spends somebody else's money.
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
120 guests · promised is not the same as confirmed Total budget $43,725 Confirmed — venue deposit paid $9,600 Promised out loud $15,000 Your share if the promise lands $19,125 Your share if it does not $34,125
Source: Text My Wedding budget model, reviewed August 2026 — Text My Wedding, 2026
Four situations cover almost every wedding, and they produce wildly different numbers from the identical budget. Find yours, then load it in the calculator below and move the categories around until it matches what was really said.
All $43,725 is yours. Guest count and service level are the only two levers left, and one of them is worth about $186 a head.
Shaped like the traditional split: roughly $30,200 on them, $10,200 on you, $3,325 on the other side. Write down which five lines that covers before anyone commits.
About $14,575 a side. Assign whole categories rather than percentages — three people each funding a third of a moving total is how this goes wrong.
Let each side fund named line items instead of a share. A $20,000 offer is the venue plus most of catering; a $5,000 offer is the flowers and the music. You cover the $18,725 balance.
The split itself is only the second-biggest variable here. Two categories carry half the wedding, so whoever takes those two has taken the argument — and everything underneath them moves with the guest list.
Same wedding, same total. The traditional division and an even three-way split produce shares that differ by nearly $27,000 for the same person.
Those two lines are 49% of the budget at 120 guests. Whoever funds them has funded half the wedding, whatever else the table agreed.
Going from 120 to 150 guests takes the total from $43,725 to $49,300. A percentage promise absorbs all of that; a named-line promise does not.
Lean is $32,500 and elevated is $61,725 on the identical guest list. A contributor who agreed to a category signed up for whichever version you book.
The same 120-guest wedding is about $39,275 in the Midwest and about $53,350 in the Northeast, and every share moves with it.
The 8% buffer is a real line, and in every split above it defaults to the couple. Assign it deliberately or it assigns itself.
None of these are etiquette. They are the practical habits that stop a generous offer turning into a misunderstanding eight months later.
A percentage is an open-ended promise against a total that has not stopped moving. A number is a number. If someone offers a share, convert it to dollars in the room and repeat it back.
The venue and the flowers is an easier promise for everyone than a third. The contributor knows what they bought, you know what is still unfunded, and nobody has to inspect anyone else's invoices.
Deposits land twelve months out and final balances land two weeks before. A contribution that arrives after the vendor's due date has to be fronted by somebody, and that somebody is usually you.
Each of these produces a plan that balances perfectly on paper and is short by five figures by the time the final invoices are due.
An offer to help with the food is not $15,000 in an account. Until it is confirmed as an amount and a date, keep it in the unfunded column — the gap between the two scenarios above is $15,000.
Most people offering money have something specific in mind. A 57% share of $43,725 is $24,923 today and $28,101 once the list grows to 150. Venue and catering are $21,550, and they stay $21,550.
Someone covering catering is covering $11,950 at 120 guests and $18,900 at 200. Every name you add spends their money, which means they belong in the guest-list conversation too.
The Emily Post Institute records it and says plainly that it is variable. It puts 69% of the budget on one family, which is why almost nobody follows it exactly. It is a starting point, not an obligation.
The 8% buffer — $3,250 here — is the line that gets spent when a vendor's overtime lands. If no funder's name is on it, it lands on whoever is holding the credit card at 11pm.
It is traditionally the other family's expense and it sits outside the reception budget entirely. Either put it in the total and assign it, or leave it out and say so. Half of these plans quietly do both.
Three contributors are prefilled, with a funder dropdown on every category row, per-contributor totals and a running unfunded balance. Start from the traditional, modern or even split and drag it toward what was actually said. Everything runs right in your browser — no account, no saved budget, and your guest count and dollar figures never leave this page. We do record anonymous, coarse usage: a size range rather than your number, and which options you picked, so we know the tool is working.
Change anything — the allocation rebuilds as you go.
Last updated 2026-08-10
Whoever agrees to. There is no rule, and every combination is normal: the couple alone, one family, both families, or a mix. What matters is the arithmetic — on a $43,725 wedding for 120 guests, an even three-way split is about $14,575 a side, while the calculator's traditional preset puts $30,200 on one family, $10,200 on the couple and $3,325 on the other side.
The Emily Post Institute publishes the bride's family covering the invitations, the gown, the floral decorations, all reception expenses — which is the venue, the catering and the music — and the photography and videography; and the groom's family covering the bride's rings, the officiant's fee, the marriage licence, the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. The groom's own ring sits the other way round, on the bride's family's list. It also says plainly that the division is variable rather than binding. Priced against a 120-guest budget, the bride's family's list is $34,425 and the groom's family's list is $960 inside the budget, because three of the five things on it sit outside a reception budget entirely. The calculator ships a modernised version of that split instead — $30,200, $3,325 and $10,200 — which moves the music and the transport to the second family and the rings to the couple.
The published convention is that each side buys the other person's ring — the Emily Post Institute puts the bride's rings on the groom's family and the groom's ring on the bride's family — which splits the rings line down the middle at about $900 each against an $1,800 budget line at standard pricing. Engagement rings usually pre-date the wedding budget entirely and are not counted in any of the totals on this page.
The Emily Post Institute puts the gown on the bride's family; the groom's attire is traditionally his own. In our model both outfits together are one $2,900 line at 120 guests and standard service. Alterations are the piece people forget — budget roughly $480 on top, and decide whose line it comes out of.
Traditionally the groom's family, though increasingly it is whoever offers. Either way it sits outside the reception budget: at the same per-head cost as the reception, thirty people is $1,500 to $2,600 depending on whether it is a restaurant back room or a catered dinner with a bar. Add it as its own line so it is neither double-counted nor forgotten.
Assign whole categories rather than percentages. A $20,000 offer is the venue plus most of the catering; a $5,000 offer is the flowers and the music. Each contributor knows exactly what they bought, the total can move without renegotiating anyone's share, and whatever is still unfunded is visible to everyone.
We will not publish a percentage for this. The widely-quoted figures come from proprietary vendor surveys with self-selected samples, and there is no reliable public dataset behind them. What is worth knowing is the shape of the decision: venue and catering are 49% of the budget, so whether a family takes those two lines matters far more than any average would.
Every split on this page rests on one guess: how many people are coming. Text My Wedding sends the invitation, collects the RSVPs and addresses by text, and chases the people who never replied — so the headcount every contributor agreed to is a real number rather than an estimate.
At 120 guests you are mailing about 65 households, and the printed suite plus postage is $1,675 of this budget — a line that has to come out of somebody's share. Sending the same three mailings by text — and collecting the replies — is $87, once, whoever is paying.
