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Wedding guest list

Do I have to invite my coworkers to my wedding?

No. Nobody is owed a wedding invitation because of where they work, and there is no etiquette rule anywhere that says otherwise. What there is, is one shape you have to avoid: inviting most of a team and leaving two people out. So run the partial-team test before you invite anyone from work — count the people who would hear about it, then either invite every one of them or invite strictly fewer than you leave out. A tie fails. A majority fails. A clear minority reads as a friendship; a majority reads as a list, and the people who are not on it can count. Your boss is a separate decision, made on their own terms and after the team rather than before it. Below are 14 worked passes and scripts, and a builder that flags a split team before you commit to one.

Build my guest list →Browse the worked tests
Which case is yours?

Five situations, and the call in each

Work down these in order and stop at the first one that fits. Each answer routes a whole circle into a tier rather than returning a verdict on a person — which is what makes it something you can repeat at work without it sounding like a ranking.

1

You are close to two people on a team of four

Invite all four or invite neither — two of four fails. A tie fails the test, because the two who are out are half the team and they sit next to the two who are in. Either the whole team goes in as a circle, or you take it down to the one person you would still see if you both left tomorrow. In the builder this is the work circle with every teammate on it, including the ones you are not inviting, so the count is visible before you commit.

2

You are close to three people in a 40-person department

Check which layer they actually sit in, not the department. Three of forty passes trivially and means nothing. If all three of yours sit on the same five-person squad, the real count is 3 of 5 and it fails — the layer is the group that would hear about it, not the box on the org chart. Retag the layer, rerun the count, then decide.

3

You want to invite your boss and nobody else from work

Decide the team first — the boss is downstream of it. A manager at your wedding is public information at the office by Monday, and if the team was not invited, the only available reading is rank. Invite them only if you can say "we were friends before they were my manager" out loud and have it be true. If you cannot finish that sentence, this is the invitation to skip.

4

You manage the people you would be inviting

All of your direct reports, or none of them. This is the one case in the cluster where the layer rule is a workplace rule rather than a social one. Excluding one report from a party you host is not an etiquette slip; it is the sort of thing the excluded person remembers when reviews come round. There is no middle option when you sign their objectives.

5

You do not want anyone from work there at all

That is a complete answer and it needs no reason. The work is discretion, not justification: stop discussing the wedding at the office a few months out, never hand an invitation across a desk, and answer the direct question once. A wedding nobody has been hearing about for a year does not generate expectations you then have to remove.

If the honest answer is that a colleague is really a friend you happen to work with, the test that settles it is on the friends page. And if the team is only a problem because the room is full, the wedding attendance rate turns the seats you have into the number of invitations you can send — which is the capacity number the builder below takes.

Is this person a guest?

🧾 The one-person test

The obligation question is answered one person at a time and has nothing to do with the org chart. Three questions settle it, and the honest answer to the first one settles most of them on its own. Each pass below is one colleague, recorded in the builder as a circle and a tier so the decision is made once.

Example 01

THE COLLEAGUE WHO IS ACTUALLY A FRIEND Grace Lindqvist · Circle: coworkers → close friends · Tier B · +1 1. Would you still see her if either of you left tomorrow? Yes 2. Has she met your partner somewhere that was not a work event? Yes, twice 3. Would you have wanted her there before you worked together? Yes — Three of three. She is a friend you happen to work with, so move her out of the work circle entirely. She still sits at the same lunch table, though, so she stays in the team count until that count is settled.

Friend at workPersonalize
Example 02

THE COLLEAGUE YOU GENUINELY LIKE Omar Haddad · Circle: coworkers · Not inviting 1. Would you still see him if either of you left tomorrow? Probably not 2. Has he met your partner somewhere that was not a work event? No 3. Would you have wanted him there before you worked together? No — Zero of three. Liking someone at eleven on a Tuesday is not the same as wanting them at your wedding, and proximity is not friendship. Recorded as not inviting and left on the sheet, so the question is not reopened every time he asks about the venue.

Likeable, not closePersonalize
Example 03

THE ONE WHO INVITED YOU TO THEIRS Ryan Poole · Circle: people who invited you · Tier C Invited you to his wedding: three years ago Seen outside work since: once, at somebody's leaving do — An invitation you accepted is not a contract, and reciprocity expires. If he goes in he goes in as a friend, and he counts in the team ratio like everyone else on that team. If he does not, no explanation is owed and none will be asked for.

ReciprocityPersonalize

The work names are the ones you retype

Every list gets typed at least three times — once on paper, once into whatever sends the invitations, and once when you chase the people who never replied. Build it here, download the file, and every name after that is a copy rather than a retype. Nothing you enter leaves your browser, which is also why you download it: there is no saved draft to come back to.

Open the builder →
The shape that goes wrong

🧮 The partial-team test, worked at four team sizes

Count the people who would hear about it — the standup, the lunch table, the group chat — not the department on the org chart. Then either invite every one of them, or invite strictly fewer than you leave out. A tie fails, a majority fails, and everything between "a clear minority" and "all of them" is the one shape where the people left out can count themselves. Keep everyone in that group tagged as work until the count is settled, whatever you plan to retag them as afterwards.

Example 04

THE SPLIT THE CHECKER FLAGS WORK CIRCLE — the three people you sit with Grace Lindqvist · Tier C · +1 Omar Haddad · Tier C Ryan Poole · Not inviting ⚠ 2 invited, 1 excluded. A majority fails: Ryan is the only person on the team without an invitation, and he will know it by Monday. Invite all three, or invite Grace alone.

2 of 3 failsPersonalize
Example 05

THE SAME TEAM, PASSING, TWO WAYS OPTION A — the whole layer Grace Lindqvist · Tier C · +1 Omar Haddad · Tier C · +1 Ryan Poole · Tier C — 3 invitations, 5 seats. Nobody on the team can compare themselves to anybody else on it. OPTION B — a clear minority Grace Lindqvist · Circle: close friends · Tier B · +1 Omar Haddad · Not inviting Ryan Poole · Not inviting — 1 invitation, 2 seats. One in, two out: a minority reads as a friendship rather than a work list. Ask Grace once to keep it off Slack and she will.

Both passesPersonalize
Example 06

SQUAD OF NINE — you want to invite four Invite 4, leave out 5 → 4 is fewer than 5 → PASSES Invite 5, leave out 4 → FAILS. The four who are out are a small enough group to notice each other Invite all 9 → passes, and costs 9 invitations before anybody's partner — At nine people the test is doing real work: one extra invitation is the difference between a private friendship and a public list.

Squad of 9Personalize
Example 07

DEPARTMENT OF 40 — you want to invite three Against the department: 3 invited, 37 out → passes easily, and means nothing Against the squad they actually sit in: 3 invited, 2 out → FAILS — The layer is the group that would hear about it, not the box on the org chart. All three of yours sit on the same five-person squad, so the real count is 3 of 5. Invite the other two, or take one name back off and do a lunch after the wedding instead.

40-person teamPersonalize
Example 08

WHAT THE WHOLE TEAM COSTS Capacity: 120 invitations Your team, invited whole, a partner each: 3 invitations, 6 seats Their team, same rule applied: 5 invitations, 10 seats — 8 invitations and 16 seats, which is a whole cousin layer. Work is the circle most couples find they can cut whole, and it is the only circle on the list where cutting it whole costs you nothing at Christmas.

What it costsPersonalize
A named person, never a layer

👔 The boss, decided on their own terms

A manager is never invited because of the reporting line, and the decision is made after the team rather than before it. There is also a direction problem nobody says out loud: an invitation traveling up the reporting line asks a manager for a Saturday and a gift, which is a thing you can only ask of a friend. Three passes, each with the sentence you have to be able to say out loud.

Example 09

THE BOSS WHO IS NOT A FRIEND Dana Whitmore · Circle: boss or manager · Not inviting Sentence test — "We were friends before she was my manager": cannot be said Team decision: nobody from work invited — One decision, no exception, nothing to explain. Being well managed is not a relationship that produces a wedding invitation, and an invitation from someone she manages is also a request she cannot comfortably decline.

Boss, noPersonalize
Example 10

THE BOSS WHO IS A FRIEND — and what it commits you to Dana Whitmore · Circle: boss or manager → close friends · Tier B · +1 Sentence test — "Dana and I were friends before she was my manager": true, and the team already knows it Team decision: whole team invited · 3 invitations — If the manager goes in and the team does not, the team hears about it anyway and rank is the only available reading. Inviting a boss you are genuinely close to usually means inviting the team as well. Price that in before you send anything.

Boss, yesPersonalize
Example 11

WHEN YOU ARE THE MANAGER Direct reports: 5 · Invited: 5 · Tier C — or — Direct reports: 5 · Invited: 0, and the wedding is not discussed at work There is no third option when you write their reviews. Four of five is not an etiquette slip; it is the thing the fifth person remembers in January. This is the one place in this cluster where the layer rule is a workplace rule rather than a social one.

You manage themPersonalize
How not to invite them

🤐 What to say at work, once

Every line below is short, offers no reason that can be argued with, and is said exactly once. The most effective thing here is not a script at all: go quiet about the wedding at work two or three months out, so nobody builds an expectation you then have to take away.

Example 12

ASKED DIRECTLY, AND ASKED AGAIN "We're keeping it to family and a handful of people we've known forever — it's tiny, and honestly most of our friends aren't there either. I'll be unbearable about the photos afterwards." If it comes up a second time: "I've gone quiet on it at work on purpose — we're not doing a work list at all, so there's nothing to read into. How did the demo go?" — Answer once, plainly, then change the subject. A second explanation reads as an opening to negotiate; an apology reads as a maybe.

Asked directlyPersonalize
Example 13

THE DISCRETION ASK — to the one colleague you are inviting "You're the only person from work who's coming, and I'd rather it not become a thing in the office — would you mind keeping it off Slack? Nothing dramatic. I just don't want anyone counting." — Said once, in person, before the invitation arrives. This is what makes Option B above survivable, and it is the only ask you get to make; do not follow it up.

The discretion askPersonalize
Example 14

THE THING THAT IS NOT THE WEDDING "We're not doing a work list for the wedding itself — but we're at the bar down the road on the Thursday after we're back and the whole team's invited. Same round, no seating plan, no speeches." — The team gets a genuine invitation to something, nobody is left off anything, and it costs one evening rather than sixteen seats. This is the single most useful move on the page for a team you actually like.

The team alternativePersonalize
Person, layer, or list?

A team is a layer. Your boss is one person.

Work is the circle where these get confused most often, because two different objects are in play at once: whether you owe any single colleague an invitation, and what happens to the team once you invite one of them. They are decided by different rules, in that order.

1

Nobody at work is owed an invitation

One person · One named individual. Applied as a layer rule it becomes "no one from work, ever", which cuts the two colleagues who are genuinely friends for no reason but tidiness.

2

If you invite most of the team, invite the team

A whole layer · Every household in the circle. Applied to one person it becomes a favor, and the people left out are a small enough group to find each other by lunchtime.

3

We are inviting Dana, who happens to be my manager

One person · One named individual. Folded into the team decision, a reporting line starts issuing invitations, and a manager who is nobody's friend ends up at your wedding.

4

All five of my direct reports, or none

A whole layer · Every household in the circle. Picked through one name at a time by someone with authority over them, it stops being etiquette and becomes a fairness question you will be asked about.

5

The list cannot go over 120

The whole list · The list as a whole. Enforced colleague by colleague, work is the circle that gets picked through; enforced by circle, it comes off whole and nobody at the office is comparing invitations.

6

Your parents' work friends come out of your parents' seats

An allocation · Each contributor's bucket. Left unallocated, your father's two colleagues arrive as additions to your list rather than subtractions from his, and the seats come out of yours.

This page decides who from work is on the list, not what happens to the list afterwards. To turn the seats you have into the number of invitations you can actually send, use the wedding attendance rate — its answer is exactly the capacity number the builder above takes. Whether an invited colleague's partner gets a seat is settled by the plus-one rules, whether anyone's children are on the list at all belongs with adults-only invitation wording, and if work is the circle you might reopen once replies come in, the timing lives on second-wave invitations. Once the names are settled, collecting their contact details is the next job — this builder never asks for one.

The rules that hold up

Four rules worth settling before you tell anyone anything

None of these are controversial written down. Unwritten, each one turns into a conversation at a desk that you have to have again the following week.

1

Count the group that would hear about it

The layer is the standup, the lunch table or the group chat — not the department. Tag everyone in that group as work until the count is settled, however you plan to retag them afterwards.

2

Strictly fewer, or all of them

A tie fails and a majority fails. Those are the two shapes where the people left out are a small enough group to count themselves, and the only two you have to avoid.

3

The boss is a person, and comes after the team

Never a layer, never the reporting line, and never the decision you make first. If the sentence "we were friends before they were my manager" is not true, the answer is no.

4

Go quiet at work before you go quiet

Expectations are built by the conversation, not by the invitation. Two or three months of not narrating the planning at your desk removes almost every awkward exchange in advance.

Common mistakes

What goes wrong with work

Each of these is survivable and each one costs a conversation you did not need to have — at a place you have to go back to on Monday.

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Inviting almost the whole team

The most common version and the worst possible shape. Two people left out of nine is a smaller and far more visible group than seven left out of nine, and those two will have found each other by lunchtime.

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Handing invitations out at the office

An envelope on a desk tells everyone in sight who did and did not get one. If a colleague is invited, that invitation goes to their home and it goes with everybody else's.

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Inviting the boss and nobody else

It reads as rank to everyone who hears about it, and somebody always hears about it. If the manager is genuinely a friend, the team is usually going in too; if they are not, this is the invitation to skip.

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Deciding work first

Work is the last circle to fill and the first to cut. Settle family and friends, see what the room has left, and let the work decision be made against a real number rather than a feeling about a team.

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Apologizing twice

"We'd have loved to invite you, but…" is an opening, not an answer. One sentence, no reason that can be negotiated with, and then a different subject.

Free, and it never leaves your browser

Run the test on your actual team

One Work circle, armed. The list opens with two of the three people on that team invited and one not, which is exactly the shape the checker flags. Put in everyone who would hear about it — including the people you are not inviting — and the count updates as you tier them. Your boss sits in a separate circle on purpose, because a manager is a named decision and never part of the layer. Nothing you type is stored or sent anywhere, so download the file before you close the tab.

Wedding guest list templateFree · no sign-up · runs entirely in your browser

Two of the three people on this team are on the list. Fix it by inviting the team or cutting it — not by picking.

This is how many people you can invite, not how many will come — turning one into the other is what the attendance-rate page does: to seat 100, invite 118 to 128.

4 circles are on this list. A circle is what the consistency check reads.

11

11 people in 6 householdsEveryone in tiers A, B and C is counted here; 2 people are in the not-inviting pile and stays out of the file. Set a capacity to see where the line falls.

First nameLast nameHouseholdCircleTierPlus ones
Two people with the same household label are one invitation.

Everything here runs in your browser. Nothing you type is stored or sent anywhere — there is no account, no saved list and no cookie holding your guests (we count anonymous, bucketed usage of the tool itself, never a name, a number or a list size). That also means closing this tab loses the list, which is why the button says download.

Where the line falls

  • ATier A — no wedding without them8 in this tier · 4 households · 8 with everything above it8
  • BTier B — you want them there0 in this tier · 0 households · 8 with everything above it0
  • CTier C — only if there is room3 in this tier · 2 households · 11 with everything above it3
  • Not invitingNot inviting2 in this tier · 2 households · left out of the export2
  • 2 of 3 coworkers are on the list and 1 are not. Invite the layer or cut the layer — a split one is visible to everybody in it.

Downloads a CSV of everyone still on the list — tiers A, B and C, minus any tier you have switched off above. The not-inviting pile stays on this page.

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Keep exploring

More on deciding who to invite

Who to invite to your weddingThe whole decision, circle by circle→Estranged familyA named decision, made once and recorded→Telling someone they're not invitedWhat to say, when to say it, and to whom→Who to invite to a small weddingWhere the line falls at 20, 50 and 75→Your friends' partnersOne standard, applied to every friend on the list→Wedding guest list templateBuild the list in your browser and download it→
Good to know

Coworker and boss questions

Do I have to invite my coworkers to my wedding?

No. Employment is not a relationship that produces a wedding invitation, and there is no etiquette rule that says otherwise — plenty of couples invite nobody from work and never have to explain it. The only rule that binds you is about shape rather than obligation: if you invite from a team, invite all of it or clearly fewer than half of it, because those are the two versions the people left out cannot count themselves in.

Should I invite my boss to my wedding?

Only if you would still be friends if neither of you worked there — the reporting line on its own is never a reason. Two things make it different from any other colleague: an invitation traveling up the reporting line asks a manager for a Saturday and a gift she cannot comfortably decline, and a manager at your wedding is known at the office by Monday. So decide the team first. If the team is not invited and the boss is, rank is the only reading available.

How do I invite some coworkers and not others?

Count the group that would hear about it — the standup, the lunch table, the group chat — and invite strictly fewer than you leave out. Three of nine is a friendship; five of nine is a list. Then ask the people you did invite, once, to keep it off Slack. If you cannot get under half without cutting someone you genuinely want there, invite the whole team instead: it is usually only three or four extra invitations.

Is it rude not to invite coworkers to your wedding?

No, and it is by far the most common choice. What reads as rude is inconsistency, not absence: inviting most of a team, inviting the manager and none of the team, or handing invitations out at the office where everyone can see who got one. A wedding with no work guests at all requires no reason, no apology and no announcement.

How do I tell a coworker they are not invited?

Once, plainly, and without a reason that can be argued with: "we're keeping it to family and a few people we've known forever — it's tiny." Then change the subject. Do not say you would have loved to invite them, do not offer a maybe, and do not explain it a second time. If it is a team you like, invite them to something that is not the wedding — drinks the week after costs an evening rather than sixteen seats.

Do I have to invite a coworker who invited me to their wedding?

No. An invitation you accepted was a nice day, not a contract, and reciprocity fades fast once the friendship is only a work one. Run the same test you would run on anyone: would you still see them if either of you left tomorrow? If yes, they go in as a friend and count in the team ratio like everyone else. If no, nothing is owed and nothing will be said.

A list is names on a page.
Until you send it, that is all it is.

Build the list here, download it, and import the file into Text My Wedding — the same names then carry the invitation, the RSVP and every reminder, without anybody retyping them.

Build my guest list →
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