Example 01
Hi Marisol — hope you're well! Our RSVP date was the 5th and we haven't heard back yet. Are you and Deniz able to join us on the 4th? A yes or no by text is perfect.
Standard first nudgePersonalize
Wedding RSVPs
What to do when wedding guests don't RSVP
Give it about three days past your reply-by date, then work a three-rung chase — a short text around day three, an emailed final notice around day eight naming the date your caterer needs a number, and a phone call around day twelve — and fix a stop-waiting date two weeks past the reply-by, after which a household that still hasn't answered goes down as a no. That last part is the whole follow-up plan in one line: a non-reply is not an open question, it is a decline you haven't written down yet. Below are 16 scripts for the three rungs and the write-off, every one of them dated backward from the day your caterer closes the numbers.
Chase, or write them off?
The deadline passed — how far past are you?
The right move depends entirely on how much runway is left between today and the day your caterer wants a number. Find your row, then take the rung that matches it.
1
The reply-by date passed one to three days ago
Text every silent household once, today. Nothing has gone wrong yet. Most non-replies at this point are invitations propped behind a fruit bowl, and a single sentence with a yes/no in it clears the bulk of them within a day. Don't apologize for asking, and don't send a paragraph. Fallback: if the number is dead, the household moves straight to rung three.
2
It's been about a week and a handful are still quiet
Send the dated final notice, by email, naming the caterer's date. Change channel — rung one was a text, so rung two is an email or a message to the person in the household you actually know. Give a real date and say what happens after it. A deadline someone else imposed is much easier for a guest to hear than one you chose. On the worked schedule that's the 13th, naming the caterer's count on the 22nd.
3
Ten to twelve days past and it's down to a short list
Phone them, one household at a time. Whatever survives two written messages is now small enough to call. A two-minute conversation clears households that three texts could not, and you'll often find the invitation went to an old address or the reply card was filled in and never mailed. Fallback: no answer means voicemail plus one text saying you called.
4
Your stop-waiting date has arrived (about two weeks past)
Convert every remaining silence into a decline and say so. Mark them no in your list, send one short closing message so nobody turns up expecting a chair, and stop. Anchor this to the caterer's date, not your patience: it should land at least three days before the count is due, which on the worked schedule is the 19th.
5
You're inside a week of the caterer's final count and still chasing
Stop. Submit the confirmed number without them. Holding seats for silent households is how couples pay for empty chairs. Compress whatever rungs are left into a single dated message today, submit on the caterer's date, and treat anything that arrives afterwards as the next row's problem.
6
A guest replies yes after you've submitted the count
Call the caterer before you answer the guest. Ask what one or two extra covers actually cost and whether it's even possible at this stage. Some kitchens will absorb two; almost none will absorb ten. Only once you know the answer do you tell the guest yes or no — and whatever you decide, apply it identically to the next late yes.
Rung one · around day three · text
🔔 The first nudge
Short, warm, and answerable in one tap. Send it to every household that hasn't replied, on the same day, and resist the urge to explain yourself. Every script on this page runs on one worked schedule: reply-by the 5th, this nudge on the 8th, the notice on the 13th, calls on the 17th, stop waiting on the 19th, and the caterer's final count on the 22nd — with the wedding on the 4th of the following month.
Example 02
Hi Ruth! Just checking our list before numbers go to the venue — did our invitation reach you? No stress either way, we only want to make sure it didn't get lost in the mail.
Assume it got lostPersonalize
Example 03
Hi Colm — quick one. Two seats are still held under your name for the 4th. Reply YES to keep them or NO if you can't make it, and I'll take it from there.
Reply YES or NOPersonalize
Example 04
Hi Aunt Val — I know the reply card is a hassle. Can I just take your answer over text? Are you coming to the wedding on the 4th, and if so, is Uncle Tom coming with you?
Older relative, card unreturnedPersonalize
Chasing forty households by hand is the actual problem
Cross-referencing a spreadsheet against a pile of reply cards, then texting people one at a time on your phone, is an evening you won't get back. Text My Wedding already knows which households are silent, messages only them, and marks the answers off as they land.
Rung two · around day eight · email
📮 The dated final notice
Change the channel and add a real date. This message does one job: it converts a vague ask into a concrete deadline that somebody else set. Sent on the 13th, it gives a guest six days before your stop-waiting date on the 19th and nine before the caterer's count on the 22nd.
Example 05
Hi Marisol — one last check before I close the list. I have to give our caterer a final number on the 22nd, so anything I haven't heard by the 19th goes down as a no. I'd love it to be a yes. Are you both able to come?
Dated, one householdPersonalize
Example 06
Hi Ruth — we submit numbers to the venue on Friday, and yours is one of four replies I'm still missing. Could you let me know either way before then? A one-word answer is honestly fine.
The venue-on-Friday closePersonalize
Example 07
Hi Colm — I'm submitting the headcount on the 22nd and I'd hate to leave you off by mistake. If I haven't heard from you by the 19th I'll assume you can't make it, and there'll be no hard feelings at all.
States the consequencePersonalize
Example 08
Hi Nadia — last time I'll bug you, promise. Catering and the table plan both close on the 22nd. Yes or no?
Short and lightPersonalize
Rung three · around day twelve · phone
📞 The phone call and the voicemail
By the 17th it's a short list, and a call clears it. Have the date and your two questions ready before you dial so it stays a two-minute conversation, and leave a voicemail that can be answered by text — most people would rather reply than call back.
Example 09
Hi Marisol, it's Priya — sorry to chase you on the phone! I'm finalizing the wedding numbers this week and yours is one of the last I'm missing. Are you and Deniz able to come on the 4th? Perfect — and can I check, is that two of you, and any dietary bits I should pass on to the caterer?
Live call scriptPersonalize
Example 10
Hi Colm, it's Priya calling about the wedding on the 4th. I have to give the caterer a final headcount on the 22nd, so I'm calling the last few. Just text me a yes or no whenever you get this — either is completely fine. Thanks!
Voicemail, answerable by textPersonalize
Example 11
Hi Aunt Deb, it's Priya. I wanted to call rather than send another message, because I know things have been strained since last year. You're invited and the seat is yours if you want it — and if you'd rather not come, that's completely all right and I won't ask twice. I just need to know by the 19th so I can send numbers on the 22nd.
The relative it's awkward to chasePersonalize
Example 12
Hi Dad — can you do me a favor and call your cousins? I've messaged the Brennans twice and heard nothing, and a call from you will land better than a fourth text from me. I need an answer by the 19th, and I'm not chasing after that.
Delegate to a relativePersonalize
The stop-waiting date · the 19th
🔒 Turning silence into a decline
Write the silent households off in a way you can live with, tell them plainly, and have an answer ready for the late yes that arrives afterwards. Decide the late-reply rule now, on the 19th, so you aren't improvising it at 11pm on the 21st.
Example 13
Hi Colm — I've had to close our numbers today as I hadn't heard back, so I've marked you down as unable to come. No hard feelings at all, and I hope we catch up soon after the wedding.
Writing them offPersonalize
Example 14
Hi Nadia — thanks for coming back to me! Unfortunately our catering numbers went in on the 22nd and the kitchen can't add covers now. We'd still love to see you at the welcome drinks the night before if you're around.
Late yes, no roomPersonalize
Example 15
Hi Nadia — good news, the caterer can take one more. You're on the list! I'll send timings and the address closer to the day, and let me know if there's anything you can't eat.
Late yes, room foundPersonalize
Example 16
Hi Dana — final numbers for the 4th: 84 adults and 6 children, including 4 vegetarian and 1 gluten-free. Four households never replied and are not included in that count. Please bill against this number and let me know the cut-off if anything can still change.
Submitting it to the venuePersonalize
Whose date is it?
Four dates, and only one of them is yours to move
Most of the panic in a stalled RSVP list comes from treating these as one deadline. They are four, they belong to different people, and only one of them is negotiable.
1
The reply-by date printed on the card
You do · usually three to four weeks before the wedding. Nothing happens. It's a date you chose to buy yourself chasing time, which is exactly why guests treat it as soft — and why the plan above starts three days after it rather than on it.
2
Your stop-waiting date
You do, and you should write it down before you start chasing · about two weeks after the reply-by date, and at least three days before the caterer's count. You keep holding seats for people who were never coming. Setting it in advance means the decision is made while you're calm, not the night the count is due.
3
The caterer's final count
Your catering contract, not you · typically seven to fourteen days before the wedding. This is the real deadline and it is genuinely hard. Miss it and you're billed on the last number you gave, or on the venue's contracted minimum. Read the clause before you build any of the dates above, because it is the date the other three are measured backward from.
4
The number you actually submit
You do, on the caterer's date · the day the final count is due. Submit your confirmed yes count with the silent households excluded, and don't shave off the guests you doubt will show. Most contracts bill the guaranteed number or the number who attend, whichever is higher, so trimming saves nothing and risks a short kitchen.
Everything above happens after the date has passed. The pre-deadline version — nudging people before the reply-by lands, and the templates for it — is a different job entirely: see automatic RSVP reminders and how to send an RSVP text. The date you're actually racing is the one on your catering contract, worked through in the final headcount, and if the declines have opened up real seats, second-wave invitations covers the latest date you can still post one. For keeping the list itself straight while you chase, read how to track wedding RSVPs. And if you're reading this before the cards are printed: the phrasing that prevents half of this lives in RSVP card wording, and a QR code straight to your RSVP page turns a printed invitation into a reply in seconds.
How to ask
Four rules for chasing without souring it
You're asking a friend for two seconds of admin, not collecting a debt. These four keep it that way, whichever rung you're on.
1
One household, one message
Never send a group text to the eleven people who haven't replied. It reads as a telling-off, and it invites everyone to wait for someone else to answer first.
2
Make the reply one tap
Ask a closed question. “Are you able to come on the 4th?” gets an answer; “let us know your plans when you can” gets nothing, because there's no obvious moment to reply.
3
Change channel at every rung
Text, then email, then a call. Repeating the same message on the same channel trains people to ignore that channel, and tells you nothing about whether it's even arriving.
4
Give a date, not a feeling
“Soon” is not a deadline. “By the 19th, because the caterer needs numbers on the 22nd” is one — and it's someone else's, which makes it far easier to say out loud.
Avoid these
What makes a silent list worse
None of these are etiquette crimes. They're the moves that reliably cost couples either money or a relationship.
✕
Waiting three weeks to say anything
The longer the gap, the bigger the message has to be, and the more it sounds like an accusation. Three days after the date, one sentence, and it's a non-event.
✕
Assuming silence means yes
It rarely does. Counting silent households as attending is the most expensive assumption in wedding planning, because you pay for the plate whether or not anyone sits in front of it.
✕
Making the chase about how you feel
“We're really hurt that you haven't replied” turns a two-second admin task into a conversation the guest now wants to avoid. Ask the question; leave your feelings out of the text.
✕
Chasing past the caterer's date
Once the count is submitted, more chasing can't change the number — it only creates guests who think they're coming when there's no chair for them.
✕
Never telling people you wrote them off
A household that was slow rather than absent will otherwise turn up on the day. One short message on your stop-waiting date closes the loop and gives them a last chance to correct you.
✕
Being flexible for some households and not others
If you squeeze in one late yes, be ready to do the same for the next one or to explain why not. Decide the rule at your stop-waiting date and apply it identically.
Free, and it runs in your browser
Date every follow-up from here
Tell it how many households are still silent and how far past the reply-by date you are. It dates all three rungs — nudge, notice, call — plus the day you stop waiting, and checks every one of them against your caterer's final count.
Wedding RSVP deadline calculatorFree · no sign-up · runs entirely in your browser
Tell it how many households are still silent and it dates every nudge — plus the day you stop waiting.
Leave it blank and every answer below still works — you just get “four weeks before the wedding” instead of a printed date.
The common case: a local core plus a scattering of guests who need a flight or a hotel.
Negative means the reply-by date has already passed.
Read it off your catering contract — 7 to 14 days is typical.
Private by design: every date and number here is worked out in your browser, and the dates and counts you enter never leave this page. We count anonymous usage — which mode people pick, nothing they type. Close the tab and it's gone, so copy your dates somewhere safe.
Your follow-up schedule
9 households to chase
Three contacts, each on a different channel, then a date you stop asking.
- Households still silent915% of your list
Count households, not people — you chase an envelope, not a headcount.
- Replies you should recover6about 70% of the silent households
A planning estimate, not a promise. Two nudges and a phone call clear most of a silent list.
- Friendly nudgeAdd your reply-by date3 days after the reply-by date
Text — Assume the invitation was set aside, not ignored. Keep it one sentence and make replying a single tap.
- Dated final noticeAdd your reply-by date8 days after the reply-by date
Email — Name the date you have to give the caterer a number. A deadline someone else imposed is easier to hear than one you chose.
- Phone callAdd your reply-by date12 days after the reply-by date
Phone call — Whatever is left is now a short list. Call it — a two-minute conversation clears households that three messages could not.
- Stop waitingAdd your reply-by date2 weeks after the reply-by date
Anyone still silent counts as a no from here. That is 3 households on these numbers.
- Hard stop — the caterer's countAdd your wedding date10 days before the wedding
Nothing after this date can change the number you pay for, whoever eventually replies.
Decline, reply, and no-show rates here are planning estimates built from the ranges wedding vendors publish — useful for sizing a list, not a survey result.
Want the replies to chase themselves?Text My Wedding texts the invitation, collects the RSVPs, and nudges the households that go quiet — so the list is done before your caterer asks.
See the app →✓
Keep exploring
More on collecting wedding RSVPs
How to collect wedding RSVPsFour ways to gather replies, compared→Wedding attendance rateHow many guests decline, and how many to invite→The final headcountWhen the caterer needs a number, and which number→Wedding B-list invitationsTiming a second wave so nobody can tell→Plus-one rulesWho gets one, and fixing a reply that added guests→Online vs paper RSVPsFour channels compared on speed and chasing→
Good to know
Questions about guests who don't RSVP
What do you do when wedding guests don't RSVP?
Contact them directly, one household at a time. Text about three days after your reply-by date, email a dated final notice about a week later naming the day your caterer needs numbers, and phone whoever is left around day twelve. Two weeks after the reply-by date, count anyone still silent as a no and tell them you've had to.
How long should you wait before chasing an RSVP?
About three days. Waiting longer doesn't make the ask more polite — it makes it bigger, because by then you're explaining a delay as well as asking a question. A one-sentence text three days after the date barely registers as a chase.
When should you stop waiting on wedding RSVPs?
Roughly two weeks after your reply-by date, and always at least three days before your caterer's final count is due — whichever of those comes first wins. Pick the date before you start chasing, so the decision is already made when it arrives.
Can you assume a guest is coming if they never reply?
No. Silence is much more often a no than a yes, and you pay for the plate either way. Count non-responders as declines once your stop-waiting date passes, and send one short message saying so — a slow replier will correct you, and everyone else has been told.
Is it rude to ask guests why they haven't RSVP'd?
Asking for an answer isn't rude; demanding an explanation is. Ask whether they can come, not why they haven't replied. If you genuinely suspect something is wrong, a phone call is the right channel for that conversation, not a fourth text.
What if a guest RSVPs yes after the deadline?
Call your caterer before you answer them. Ask whether extra covers are possible and what they cost — one or two are often absorbed, ten rarely are. Only once you know should you tell the guest yes or no, and whatever you decide, apply the same rule to the next late reply.
How many guests usually don't reply at all?
There's no reliable published figure, and it varies enormously with how you collected replies: paper cards go missing far more often than a link people can tap. Plan for a handful of silent households rather than none. The calculator assumes about seven in ten of them answer once you contact them directly — a planning assumption for sizing the chase, not a measured rate.
You picked the date.
Let us collect the replies.
Text My Wedding sends the invitation by text, records every RSVP against the right household, and nudges the ones who go quiet — so your caterer gets a number instead of a guess.